FUCK YEAH LIMITED EDITION RITTER SPORT

(BY LAURA JANE) 

I LOVE RITTER SPORT! Always have, always will, and deeply.

I'm not sure how you are supposed to pluralize "Ritter Sport"- do you keep it as Ritter Sport (like moose), or do you make it Ritter Sports? I am also curious as to why the word "sport" is in the name of a chocolate bar. I just typed "sport" into a German to English translation website, hoping that maybe "sport" is German for "chocolate" and it would all come into perfect focus for me, but as it turns out, "sport" in German means "sport." "Chocolate" in German is shokolade, so there's a cool new thing about Germany we all learned today. 

Anyway, Ritter Sport(s) is(/are) the best food in the world. My favorite flavor is "milk chocolate with butter biscuit," and next-best I like the extra dark chocolate, and then the white chocolate with whole hazelnuts, which tastes like something you should spend $7 on at a patisserie. No, I'm underselling it- $9. 

Another cool Ritter fact: the other day I had a Ritter Sport in my bag and every time I reached into my bag for my phone I thought my Ritter Sport was my phone. I guess nothing is really cool about that but I think the size and shape and weight of both iPhones and Ritter Sports are very appealing sizes and shapes and weights. I was just about to type the sentence "They're so sleek and firm" but then I really creeped myself out with that one so forget it. Nothing is sleek, nothing is firm. I'm weird. 

There's a store by my house called Village Market that has the most extensive selection of Ritter Sport I've ever encountered. Last summer they started selling these really lovely pastel springtime limited edition Ritter Sports and I got super into the Bourbon Vanille which tasted like apricot pudding and Gone With The Wind. I'd go to Village Market like once a week to buy them but the fucked part is that last summer I lived a twenty-five minute walk from where I live now, so I was going dare I say insanely far out of my way to get my cutesy Ritter Sport fix. They also had this white chocolate coconut flavor with crunchy rice bits that burned your teeth off and it was worth it. 

(PS At the same time as I'm writing this blog post I'm reading a website called "Jim's Chocolate Mission" where my new pal Jim reviews every Limited Edition Ritter Sport ever made including a bunch of too-wacky-for-North-America yogurt flavs and also this Amarena Kirsch thing that I'm now obsessed with in my head.)

Last winter Village Market started selling these Ritter Sport "Winter-Kreations" and I fell head over heels for the "Vanillekipferl" flavor, which is called "Vanilla Crescent Cookie" in boring English. It tasted like eating gold, the flaky gold prospectors used to pan for in the olden days, or the moon. Like the moon's surface had been packed into a wall of milk chocolate by the magical innovators who work for Ritter Sport.

The coolest part about Vanillekipferl is that I was pretty much the only person in Toronto who bought them, so Village Market was left with so much overstock that they had to mark them way the hell down and by February my Vanillekipferl cost a mere NINETY-NINE CENTS apiece. Which is when I started eating them for breakfast.

Yesterday I was at Village Market buying a boring Green & Blacks Hazelnut Currant when I noticed a big display of MILK CHOCOLATE WITH STRAWBERRY CREME RITTER SPORT. They are meant to increase breast cancer awareness so holla at that. Strawberry's my favorite forever so obvs I put my dumb "healthy chocolate" away and excitedly skipped up to the counter grasping my adorable pink candy all sparkly-eyed. "I knew you would like!" said the Village Market lady. It's nice that the Village Market lady knows me as "the girl who buys up all our Limited Edition Ritter Sport" and probably also as "the girl who buys a can of Diet Coke every day." I feel very understood by her. 

I ate my Strawberry Creme Ritter Sport in the basement of my work last night. Usually the way I eat at work is I'll have some trail mix or chocolate or whatever and then every time I have to run downstairs I'll just eat a few bites so I'm never too hungry or too full. But I couldn't do that with my strawberry Ritter- it was just too good. It tasted like a strawberry ice cream sundae and I didn't care if it was a chaotic Saturday at a packed restaurant and there were things upstairs I desperately needed to be doing. I sat on the floor and savored every bite of my strawberry Ritter and it was glorious. They are the best of the best and I will buy them all until they're gone.