BY LAURA JANE & JEN
LJ: I woke up supes hungoves and, lying in bed, drank seven-eighths of a bottle of water in one go. I ate a toasted whole wheat English muffin with peanut butter and raspberry jam for breakfast. Right now I’m working with this new variant of Kraft peanut butter, “Cinnamon Raisin Granola” flavor. It’s lovable. It’s texturally very compelling; the granola bits are like rice krispies. Also, it’s helping me cope with the Kraft peanut butter label’s recent redesign, with the Pixar-y bears peering through a looking glass, which I’ve been weirdly stressed out by.
I had a cup of coffee with two Splendas. I steal handfuls of Splendas from every coffee shop I ever set foot in. I just don’t see why I should ever have to pay for Splenda when I can just as easily not pay for Splenda. I’m a naturally sneaky human.
The theme of my day was “extreme thirst.” I drank an entire bottle of water over the course of twenty-five minutes on a treadmill, usually I’ll have like half a one. I normally would have gone for thirty minutes but I was so fucking thirsty I couldn’t make it. I ran out of water around twenty-three minutes in and then figured, “Fuck this” and ran to the bathroom, where I pounded another bottle and then wanted to throw up and die. I am growing older and hangovers are becoming a problem. People warned me about this.
I went to Aroma before work. I got an iced Americano (because it’s springtime), and a turkey bacon BLT thing on a croissant. There is marketing for this sandwich all the hell over the restaurant and it worked on me. It’s very cute, I thought, how Aroma’s marketing team had the audacity to try and make it seem like it’s a “healthy” take on a regular BLT, just because it’s turkey bacon. Also there’s sliced turkey on there. But it also involves MAYONNAISE on a CROISSANT. Either way, it was great. I’m obsessed with it now. I want to eat a thousand of them every day forever.
The barista fucked up my iced Americano in a pretty maje way. I watched it happen. First, I watched her make me a hot Americano- I should have just taken it and moved on with my life, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I said, “It’s iced,” icily. Here is how she dealt with the situation: poorly. She poured the piping hot Americano into a plastic cup filled with ice. The hot coffee melted the ice, and then melted the cup. So, she poured the probably-warm plastic-coffee-water into a new plastic cup. Then she poured some more hot coffee on top of it. “When you try to cut corners, mistakes are made,” I thought. She stood there like a dumb deer holding the cup and looking at me. “Dump out some of the coffee and add more ice,” I directed. She obeyed. I acted overly grateful to make up for my previous coldness. It’s important to be a nice customer.
I was recently promoted at work, which means I’m allowed to eat any food I want off the menu for free, which is basically the best thing that has ever happened to anyone. I eat a lot of free ceviche. It’s very baller of me. I had a little ceviche for dinner. It was red snapper and mango-oriented, and I asked the line cook to add avocado to it, which pushed it over the edge into very, very awesome territory. I of course ate some tortilla chips and salsa here and there. A cool lie I now tell myself is that I’m actually not snacking, I’m “testing” the chips and salsa. It’s my responsibility as a detail-oriented manager to make sure they’re up to par.
I got home at 12:45 AM and ate a Golden Delicious apple.
JEN: It’s John Waters’ birthday! The first thing I “eat” is a chewable B12 vitamin, which I don’t think really counts but does taste weirdly good.
It’s Monday & John Water’s birthday so I’m getting a bagel. I started ordering this new, weird bagel. I honestly can’t even believe it’s my order. It’s a cinnamon raisin bagel NOT TOASTED with tofu cream cheese. At any decent/normal bagel place my go to would be, obviously, a whole wheat everything with tofu cream cheese & tofu olive if they have it. I’ve mentioned it in the other SFW Diet posts, but this bagel place by my job is just bizarre. When they toast bagels they are gross. How is that possible? When I get to work I make a little french press of my Witches Brew/Blend X coffee I get from The Garden. I’m proud of myself for making coffee at work instead of buying it everyday. I drink it black.
The weird bagel makes me feel a little nauseous (truly a weird place I’m telling you) so I have some mint tea.
I made brown rice with kale & broccoli last night so I’d have something to eat for lunch today. I added some tofu and put this scallion & ginger sauce I made on Friday on top. This sauce rules. It’s a Mark Bittman thing- just a ton of scallion & ginger chopped with some salt and garlic. You heat up oil and then dump it on top of the scallions,ginger, garlic & salt and it’s truly delicious. While I was heating this up I ate 3 pretzels from a “pounder” bag of pretzels Regina bought last week when we both really wanted pretzels.
In the afternoon I ate an orange.
After work I went to vist my dear dear dearest friend Rachel who was recovering from surgery. We hung out and sat on her bed and read about our birthdays in a birthday book. I ate I think 2 squares of dark chocolate with sea salt & almonds. That love letter brand. I loved it. After a while I was hungry and tired and everyone there was going to eat fried chicken and I wasn’t so I went home to eat and zonk out. I was starving when I got out of the subway and had no idea what I wanted to eat. I called Alan panicking and asked WHAT SHOULD WE EAT?!!?!? He wanted Vietnamese food but I got off at the other side of the subway. He suggested falafel. “But that place reminds me of meat!!!” was my illogical answer. I’ve never eaten at Kestane Kebab but there’s visible Gyro stuff in the window so I always labeled it in my mind as Not For Me. I realized I was insane and went in and ordered falafels. I’m really glad I did. It was exactly what I wanted and I didn’t even know it. While waiting for the food I got to enjoy the ambiance of the place which can best be described as “a lot of screaming men”. I devoured the falafel immediately after walking in the door. I dumped a container of hot sauce on it and then added more. I split 1/2 a Zwyiec tall boy with Alan.
Tuesday, April 23rd
LJ: Same chill breakfast as yesterday. I ate like seven thousand spoonfuls of peanut butter while waiting for my English muffin to toast.
For 3 PM dinner I went to Ginger: A Taste of Health. I don’t know how to describe Ginger; it’s so unique unto itself. It’s semi-slipshod, the food is “Pan-Asian” I guess, very whimsical/weird energy, lime green walls, plastic tables. One of my life goals is to try every single item on the Ginger menu. I’d say I’m about a tenth of the way there. They have this one special that is a fried piece of fish with rice and ginger lime sauce and green mango salad, I’m in love with it, it’s holding me back. If that’s the special, I have to order it. Today the special was stupid Pad Thai. I had curry shrimp and fried rice. It was the second-best Ginger menu item I’ve tried after the fried fish special. My compliments to the chef. Cool choice on having a colon be part of your restaurant name.
A couple of chips and salsa at the beginning of my shift for quality control purposes. Work exploded into rollicking margarita-fueled bedlam and I was running around like a crazy person. I had to pee for five hours. At one point my hands started quivering weirdly and I wondered if the pee had gone back up inside my body and was poisoning my blood. I had a couple tacos before the kitchen closed, at 9:30, ribeye with cilantro and onion and salsa verde. Some pals of mine had come to eat at my restaurant for a birthday celebration, one of them was Sam, one of them was Teri, I gave them a free dessert, a cajeta crème brulee thing. I had a couple of bites of it once the rest of the customers were gone. I accidentally opened up a bottle of Dos Equis Amber for no reason so once the restaurant was closed I drank it. I deserved it.
I got home at 1:25 AM and ate a Golden Delicious apple.
JEN: It’s NOT John Waters’ birthday, what the hell!!!
Yesterday Regina was at my job filling in for a co-worker on vacation. She brought me a bagel! A cinnamon raisin with tofu cream cheese because she is a true friend who knows my at work bagel order. I had just eaten that same thing when she handed it to me. I put it in the fridge and ate it this morning. A day old, once toasted bagel is not the best bagel, but it’s still a bagel.
I stopped at Oren’s on the way in and got a soy cappuccino because I genuinely needed it.
For lunch I went to Le Pain Quotidien and got the quinoa tabbouleh. It’s good. It’s solidly good! It is quinoa, tomato, cuc, avocado, lemon, mad arugula, a single sun dried tomato, radishes and a piece of melon. It comes with 2 pieces of bread. The dressing is emulsified basil & olive oil I think.
After work I bought the love poem brand dark chocolate with sea salt & almond bar I ate at Rachel’s. I needed one. I ate a row or two of chocolate while I was at the studio working on nothing too good. Mostly duds. I stay there for a few hours and on my way home I pick up vegetable green curry and vegetarian duck basil from Thai Cafe. Both are delicious! Thai cafe rules! The vegetable variety is really excellent and nothing is gross & canned. LJ and I ate at Thai Cafe the last time she was here so I was going to try and snapchat some Thai Cafe image to her but everything was ready to go and I was in and out before I could whip out my phone.
At 9 I put on The Best Show on WFMU like I do every Tuesday at 9. I eat more chocolate. I have some ginger tea with lemon. I am exhausted and actually fall asleep on the couch listening to my stories.
Wednesday, April 24th
LJ: I ran out of peanut butter in the middle of my English muffin so I had to do plain margarine & jam on one half. It was crappy, clearly the inferior half. Coffee.
Nine months have passed since our inaugural installment of SFW Diet and I still eat mostly peanut butter and cereal. I wonder if I’ll eat peanut butter and cereal when I’m 80. For lunch I ate a bowl of two cereals mixed together- Jordan’s Morning Crisp in Honey Nut, and a Jordan’s muesli. I don’t know if it has a flavor. It’s been sitting in my kitchen for a couple weeks. It’s very drab. I bought it by accident, instead of the Jordan’s muesli I like better, which is the 50% fruit & nuts one. Jordan’s Morning Crisp used to be a really big part of my life but I abandoned it for Quaker Harvest Crunch. But today I saw this new flav, and had to try it. It was great! Very, very sweet. Like QHC with the volume turned up to eleven. I ate my cereal with fat-free cottage cheese and honey. It was crying out for raspberries. I’m going to buy some raspberries.
I drank a cup of coffee around 4 because I was tired.
I met Carly for dinner at Three Speed. We were slow and lazy about ordering. We started with a Kitchen Plate, which we shared extremely democratically. It was: two kinds of cheese, Brie and a harder white one, two kinds of crackers, salami, a ham-ier style meat, green and black olives, 2 pickled jalapenos, slices of a stupid apple. For my entrée I had a salmon salad. I’ve had that salad a thousand times in my life and this time the salmon piece was teensy and served upon a heaping pile of greens. I like greens as much as the next guy but I was drunk and it seemed like a dumb waste of my time to eat all those greens. Two thirds was more than enough. The salmon had a nice horseradishy hit to the marinade. I drank either or three or four pints of Tankhouse, which is hoppy and dry.
JEN: At work I make oatmeal for breakfast. I cut up a banana to have with it but the banana is kinda gross and I only use about half of it. I made coffee and drink it black. Halfway through eating the oatmeal I get a phone call at work and end up talking on the phone for about 30 minutes and by the time it’s finished the banana has all turned brown and the oatmeal is cold and nasty. I don’t finish it.
In the middle of the day I eat 4 pretzels from the pounder bag we’ve got stashed at work.
For lunch I have quinoa, chickpeas, steamed kale & broccoli doused with a miso tahini sauce I made. I threw this together last night while listening to my program. I am about to get my period and feeling like garbage so I am trying to make lunch at least a somewhat healthful affair.
At like 3 I have 4 more pretzels and green tea.
I went to see Fishing with John at Nitehawk with John Lurie in the house doing a Q&A. Obviously, it’s excellent. I get popcorn without butter during the screening and order a Jameson & Soda ( you can DRINK and EAT there). Pretty much the only other things on the menu that are vegan are salads and a hummus plate. I find the thought of eating salad or a hummus plate at the movie theater kind of disgusting. Also difficult! It’s DARK! The popcorn is kind of shitty. Lots of not fully popped kernals. I’m offended as a popcorn pro and there’s so little which I’m annoyed about also. It’s like that Woody Allen joke - this food is awful! I know and such small portions! I have been scheming to go to Foodswings afterwards to eat some serious vegan junk food and we do. I order the chick’n ceaser club, metal fries and Aland and I split a butterfinger shake. Pure, delicious garbage food. Metal Fries are fries covered in buffalo sauce, I guess some kind of vegan cheese and I think their blue cheese whatever, dipping, dressing, whatever that is. They’re amazing.
Thursday, April 25th
LJ: Got today off to a really cool start by spilling coffee grind sludge all over my kitchen floor.
Cleaning up a gross mess before you’ve even had your morning coffee is a sad, sad scene. For breakfast I had my usual pb&j, this time with a different flavor from the Cinnamon Raisin Granola fam, Banana Granola Peanut. The word “peanut” in that title is obviously redundant. I had it with blueberry jam, because blueberry and banana is a combination I feel very strongly about. I wish more things were blueberry-banana. Like, I wish there was a blueberry-banana tart somewhere. I would eat the hell out of that.
I drank half a cup of coffee a few hours later.
For lunch I had the same cereal as yesterday. I did not buy raspberries.
I drank a glass of wine around 5 while bumming around my apartment. I was supposed to meet my Dad for dinner at Bar Isabel around 7. Bar Isabel is this hot new Spanish Tapas-y place that everyone in Toronto is obsessed with. I was pretty excited to eat there. I wanted to scrape bone marrow out of a bone and smear it onto toast. I was imagining the scratch sound of the marrow spoon against the toast. I wanted some octopus. I wanted to eat some food that would change the way I thought about food and that I’d remember myself eating for the first time forever.
I called stupid Bar Isabel in the stupid morning to make a reso and left them a voicemail but they never called me back. I called them again around 4 and it went back to voicemail so I hung up. Then when I showed up they told me it’d be a 1 or 2 hour wait for a table but we could sit at the bar. I would’ve gone in for the bar if I’d been meeting a pal but I wasn’t; I was meeting my fucking father. My dad doesn’t give a shit if Bar Isabel is a hot new place that every lame loser aged 24-42 in Toronto thinks must be awesome. So I left as my Dad was walking in, and then I delivered an impassioned rant about how they should have called me back and told me they were all booked up and spared me the trouble. That is shitty customer service and I don’t forgive it.
We ended up going to a place called Hadley’s. It was fine but I wish I could have just known that I wasn’t going to eat Bar Isabel in the first place so I could have chosen us a cooler and more exciting location.
I had a quarter roasted chicken with my choice of 2 sides. I chose the daily veg, asparagus, and mashed potatoes. It was pretty good. I ate every bite with tons of the barbecue sauce, which was nice and vinegary, and some green Tabasco. We shared a solid chocolate praline tart for dessert. I had 2 9 oz glasses of a Malbec I forget the name of. I got pretty drunk and asked my Dad what 18 oz of wine would look like and he told me that a bottle of wine is 26 which put it in perspective. The glasses were huge, like fishbowls. Margarita glasses.
I paid for dinner. My dad’s given me a lot of money in my life and it meant a lot to me, to finally be able to do that.
I met Sadie for drinks at the Fountain. I haven’t been to the Fountain once since January but I was there for round 2 of SFW Diet and then tonight I ended up there again. I drank three Dark & Stormys and came home and had one last glass of Cotes du Rhone.
JEN: I had oatmeal & banana again but this time I added some maple syrup. I have terrible cramps so I drink green tea instead of coffee :( I just read in this thing on Rookie that caffeine makes cramps worse, so, let’s see.
After the green tea I have some kukicha tea. Around noon I have my handful of pretzels from the stash. They aren’t those big ones, and they aren’t the thin ones. They are the middle ones.
For lunch I get the chopped romaine salad from gobo and I’m not really into it. I eat it but it’s kinda lame today. I hate buying lunch on the Upper East Side because I never even want anything here. If I really don’t want any of the crap up here I’ll usually get this salad because it’s weirdly filling and it’s so basic and easy. Today it sucks.
I was expecting to eat out for dinner but after a disappointing lunch and eating pure trash for dinner the night before I decide I’ll just make a lame dinner with the leftover quinoa I have at home. And I do! I quickly blanched some broccoli and then cooked it with garlic and oil. I dumped left over quinoa and chickpeas on top of it. Ta-da! I add some nutritional yeast, and some soy sauce. It’s actually better than you would think but not particularly satisfying. I’m meeting Joan for margs after so I decide I’ll get chips and guac also.
I meet Joan at Calexico (which is basically illegal for me. I have a beef with them because it’s close to Tom & Laura’s apartment and also because their vegan options suck) and it’s totally packed. Oh right, it’s always totally packed. We’d have to wait a half hour to even sit at the bar and we don’t have time! We have to decide- do we want a fancy drink? Or a beer? We want a beer. We go around the corner to the Keg & Lantern for some reason and each have a Brooklyn Lager. This place is weird. The scene is weird. For whatever reason, we are here. I’m hungry but I didn’t feel like leaning over old guys sitting at the bar and feeling weird and screaming CAN I HAVE FRIES PLEASE? so I ignore it. After we finish our beers we go to Cameo Gallery where Nate, Boyf of Goldblum Gal Charlotte’s band is playing in a bunch of bands. Charlotte buys us both High Lifes, what a doll. We leave a early, which is still around midnight. I AM HUNGRY AND TIRED. I get home and eat some more of that dark chocolate/sea salt/almond chocolate bar.
Friday, April 26th
LJ: Fridays and Saturdays are the craziest days of my week. They are the opposite of a normal person’s Friday and Saturdays. On Friday I work from 10:30 AM until eleven/midnight-ish and on Saturday I work from 10 AM until eleven/midnight-ish. On Thursday and Friday nights before bed I make myself a big Thermos of coffee and then refrigerate it so that when I wake up early the next morning I can slug back a ton of iced coffee and have a better handle on my day. And not have to worry about making coffee so early. Which maximizes sleep-amount.
So I drank my coffee and got ready. I went to Aroma and got an iced nonfat latte and a brownie. Aroma brownies are my usual Friday thing. They’re really something special. They’re airy. They make me think of the word chiffonade. Sometimes I like to imagine the creepy factories where Starbucks baked goods are mass-produced; I bet they’re really depressing and horrible places. I feel like they bake the brownies at Aroma in an oven at Aroma.
At work I am constantly drinking sparkling water out of a Dos Equis pint glass. It’s my signature drink. Dos Equis pint glasses do wonderful things to water.
I didn’t eat any proper food for another seven hours. By the time my dinner break rolled around I was starving and everyone knew it. My head hurt and I was mad at people and made nonsensical jokes and couldn’t properly construct sentences. I ate three lamb tacos with hot sauce on every bite. I wanted them with refried beans and salad on the side but then the line cook gave me rice instead of salad. I was a little bummed that there weren’t any vegetables on my plate but then I moved on with my life. The lamb was so lamby. I love lamb but that plate of food was so overwhelmingly like “I’M LAMB” that I probably won’t eat lamb again for awhile. I’m pretty lambed out.
I drank a Venti iced Americano and then it was time for dinner service. Espresso and lamb together was not disgusting. I felt good to go.
Near the end of the night there was a dish of fried plantains in the kitchen so I ate a little slice of one. At midnight I stood outside the staff washroom and ate the piece of reduced-fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake I’d bought at Starbucks seven hours earlier.
I didn’t eat an apple before bed that night. The coffee cake did the trick.
JEN: I went to bed hungry and woke up starving. I have no bread or anything at the apartment so I can’t even make toast. Obviously, I will be getting a bagel. They are out of regs tofu cream cheese!! I make a last minute decision of a sesame bagel with tofu vegetable cream cheese. It’s so good! The sesame bagel is almost magic. It’s so good. It’s so bagel-y and chewy. I think about how Larry David’s favorite bagel is sesame. I make coffee when I get to work and drink it black, duh.
I don’t want to eat anything up here on the Upper East Side or be here so I have an orange & a kukicha tea to avoid dealing with lunch. Eventually I am hungry enough and I forage for lunch on the UES. I go to Dean & Deluca & get brown rice vegetable sushi. It is boring and fine.
I decide to make dinner because I WANT TO. I made this raw kale with a tahini “dressing” that is really, really good. It’s delicious and you’re eating raw kale so I like to eat it when I feel like garbage to feel less like garbage. I also made some whole wheat israeli couscous and cooked some tempeh with garlic. I’m into it all.
I feel like having a lame weekend where I don’t do much at all. I watch the movie eXistenZ with Alan. Willem Dafoe is in this movie but that’s not the only reason I’m watching it. I keep falling asleep whenever I watch movies these days so I make popcorn because I want it but also eating will keep me awake. I made popcorn on the stove with coconut oil, like a pro. I use sea salt & nutritional yeast on it.
Saturday, April 27th
LJ: I woke up at 8:45 and had my thermos of iced coffee and my blueberry-banana peanut butter extravaganza and then left for work. I drank a sugar-free Red Bull on the subway and then made myself an iced coffee when I arrived. I made it with sparkling water instead of still because one of my co-workers does that and I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about. The answer was: nothing. It was bad.
I had a baby churro and one bite of scrambled eggs with salsa at around noon. I drank a sip of Dos Equis mixed with orange juice to find out what it tasted like.
We have these roast chicken tacos on our menu that boring people are obsessed with ordering. They are so blah. Chicken, pico de gallo, queso, crema, lettuce: the stuff that unadventurous eaters who don’t want to be eating Mexican food’s dreams are made of. This morning I had so many customers order those tacos and every time it happened I felt like I was getting punched in the gut. The thing is though, before today I’d never actually eaten one- obvs because I’d rather eat any of the ten thousand way more interesting items on our menu that aren’t a plain chicken taco. But then today I wasn’t really in the mood for anything in particular so I decided to give them a try. I had two for dinner, with some corn and refried beans on the side, and a little guac on top. They were exactly as I’d imagined them to be: fine. I will probably never order them again in my life.
I keep forgetting to take pictures of the food I eat at work because I’m always so starving when I’m about to eat it.
We had a crazy-busy Saturday night service. I stupidly wore new shoes for the first time; they really took foot pain to an extreme new level. I ate a fruit & nut KIND bar at the end of my shift. I got home at midnight and drew myself a bath. I sat on the side of my bathtub soaking my feet and checking my phone while eating a Golden Delicious apple. Shout-outs to me for not dropping my phone in the bath.
JEN: I have a Saturday routine I love of going to the farmer’s market and then either eating bagels & drinking caps with Tom and Laura or going out to eat. It’s a really lovely day and we walk over to Champ’s after the market. I had a soy cappuccino and the tofu benedict. After I finish the cap I want more coffee and ask if I can have some coffee just dumped into my cap mug and they say sure, thank god. We split a peanut butter blondie to have with coffee. It’s all obviously delicious I love it all and this place so much.
I spend the afternoon cleaning my apartment because my Dad & Robin are coming to see it for the first time. At some point I eat most of the kale/tempeh leftovers while standing in the kitchen. A little later I eat all the leftover popcorn still on the stove in a pot while standing at the stove, staring at the stove. I drink a kukicha tea at some point.
I went out to buy prosecco because Robin loves prosecco and I love it too. I went to Wine Box on Nassau Ave and they were doing a wine tasting so I have some kind of white wine, I wasn’t paying attention and also some rose. I haven’t eaten much so I feel like I feel the wine in my joints. You know? Like I felt drunk but only in my elbows. I went to Brooklyn Standard and bought some of the hummus they make there & a bag of blue corn chips. I get home and realize I BOUGHT UNSALTED CHIPS! A nightmare. I sprinkle some sea salt on them and am totally mature and calm about it. I eat some chips before my dad & Robin get here and then a bunch when they are here. I have 2 glasses of prosecco. Maybe 3? I was trying to finish the bottle because it’s not like you can really save it. Or can you? I don’t know.
For dinner we go to Sakura 6. I really love it there. We shared edamame & a vegetarian dragon roll. We drink a bunch of sake. Like, a lot of sake. I ordered the vegetable yaki udon - spicy. It’s great. I am kind of a little drunk. We get home around 11 and decide to watch a movie. Let’s see. This Bergman movie? Some other movie Alan really wants to see? Or a “horror” movie called Frogs? We watch Frogs and it’s actually worse than you can even imagine. I make MORE POPCORN. This time I put a little sriracha on it.
Sunday, April 28th
LJ: I woke up stupidly early and had coffee and a bowl of Honey Nut Morning Crisp with cottage cheese and honey. I’m in love with that cereal. I’m going to buy more of it, and raspberries, next week. And so begins a new era of my breakfast life.
I worked at 1 and had a sugar-free Red Bull on the subway. I was sore and tired. I took a break at around 4 and couldn’t decide what I wanted to eat, so I just walked into the kitchen and told the sous-chef to make me something awesome. He had no choice but to oblige. I understand that I am the luckiest person in the world.
He made me a fried rice thing, with mushrooms and poblano peppers and egg. He’s got a hell of a talent, that little sous-chef. It was ten billion times better than the Ginger fried rice I’d eaten earlier in the week. It had an almost sour flavor that was probably lime. For dessert I had some of the fruit left over from brunch. Pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon.
Our busser came in at 5:30 and we had to cut him because it was slow. We coerced him into ordering a chicken quesadilla so that he hadn’t come all that way for nothing. I ate a bite of his quesadilla and dripped chicken oil all over the floor because I am a gross jerk.
By the end of the day I was about as exhausted as I’ve ever been. I made myself a shot of espresso but it didn’t do anything so my co-worker made me another espresso that was promised to be the best espresso I’d ever had in my life. I guess it was. At around 11 PM I ate a Clif bar in the basement, some new coconut flavor. Clif bars are as close to food pills as food can get.
After work we took a cab to the Three Speed where we met up with another co-worker and her fiance. It was a wild ride of a weekend and I didn’t have to work until 4 the next day, so getting drunk that night became VERY important to me. First I drank a drink called the Beggar’s Banquet, which was bourbon and lemon and soda and beer and lots of ice. Then I switched to Tankhouse. Maybe I had three? I don’t remember. Maybe four. I just remember being really drunk at last call and abandoning the end of my last pint. So let’s say three and a half.
PS: here is a picture of the fish my sous-chef made me for dinner the night after SFW Diet week ended. It was mind-blowingly good and I wanted to show it to you to really hammer home the point of how awesome my life is, and also to compensate for the absence of all my other work-food pix.
JEN: I wake up and see that Joan wanted to go to Dunwell Doughnuts at 10ish and it’s 9:40 and since i’m a meditator now it takes me so goddamn long to leave the house every morning. Meditating is a total time suck! It’s good for like your life and mind or whatever, too, but GOD. I started thinking about Dunwell’s peanut butter & jelly donut and wanted it. I decided I need to have toast with peanut butter and jelly for breakfast. After I meditate and shower and feed 3 cats it’s like, hours later and I finally go out to buy bread. I get bread from Northside Bakery & coffee beans from Brooklyn Standard because we are out. I also get a vegan cowboy cookie there because I can. I stop at the McGorlick Park farmer’s market to get the best tempeh/anything on the planet.
I ask for a thing of soy, oats, barley tempeh and then try a sample of the buckwheat/quinoa and a sample of the white bean. They are both so outrageously good. I think Barry’s tempeh is the best food there is. It’s outrageous. I’m not sure why I didn’t also buy the white bean & buckwheat kinds, probably because I am a terrible shopper. NEXT WEEK.
At home I make coffee and have toast with peanut butter & jelly and like half of the cookie. A little more coffee.
If I don’t bring snacks with me to the studio I totally freak out and just think about how I want to eat something, so I bring snacks to the studio. I brought and ate the leftover popcorn in an ridiculously huge ziplock bag, the udon noodles leftovers & some water.
Around 7 I am hungry again and so I head home and make dinner. I made brown rice, soy sauce/garlic tofu and bok choy. I started having a CSA when I was like 20 and barely knew how to feed myself. We used to get a lot of bok choy and I made A LOT of bad bok choy ( and turnips & parsnips) because I just didn’t know what to do with it. I kind of gave myself an aversion to preparing it. At the farmer’s market this weekend I went spring produce crazy & bought bok choy without really thinking about it. I consulted Mark Bittman and it was delicious!!!! Let the Spring & Summer of Bok Choy mania 2013 begin! I added some fresh garlic to the bok choy too. I put some lemon on it all at the end. Done.