Thing of the Week: Manhattans & Justin From Tulsa & More, 300 Feminist Sand Witches, I am Divine

LJ'S THING OF THE WEEK: It's A Tie Between A Bunch of Different Things

1. Last Sunday I had to run to the Summerhill LCBO in the middle of work to pick us up some fancy tequilas. The Summerhill LCBO is a very fancy place which comes as close as a liquor store can get to feeling exactly like the Metropolitan Museum of Art at Christmastime. While I was there I bought myself a four-pack of mini-bottles of Spumante Bambino. Mini-bottles of Spumante Bambino were what I used to buy from the LCBO near my old house in the dull suburb I was living in the summer I participated in the Ultimate Fashion Challenge. Every Sunday night I would drink three mini-Spumante Bambinos while writing my weekly UFC update and they were perfect then and they are perfect now. On Tuesday night my boyfriend and I chilled on my couch and watched the episode of Mad Men where Abe tells Peggy Olson her shoulders look like an Olympic swimmer's. He drank a can of Stiegl, and I drank a mini-bottle of Spumante Bambino. Life is so fun! 

2. Before my boyfriend and I chilled on my couch and watched the episode of Mad Men where Don Draper grossly bones Megan Calvet for the first time and it's the beginning of the end for old Don Draper, we met for a cocktail at the Hoof Cocktail Bar. I had a Manhattan. Under the menu listing for the Manhattan their cutesy little write-up reads: "Ruins you for other Manhattans," and it's true. I've drank an extremely high amount of Manhattans for being a 28 year old living in the year 2013, and the Hoof Manhattan blows them all out of the water. Today I was walking down the street and I started thinking, "What if this is it for me? What if I'm twenty-eight, and I've already had the best Manhattan I've ever had?" and then I thought, "These are your problemsLaura," and like clicked my heels together in the air or whatever. 

3. Today I was on the phone with iTunes Customer Support for two and a half hours. My customer service representative, or whatever that job is called, was a guy named Justin. He was from Oklahoma- from Tulsa, just outside of Tulsa. I asked him what Tulsa is like, and he said "Not really much of anything," which I thought was cool. But he said that they have a decent music scene, and that a "Hard Rock" was opening soon. When Nadine and Charlie visited me in March we went to the Hard Rock, and I learned a valuable lesson in GENUINELY LOVING Hard Rocks. So I was happy for Justin, about that. Hmmm. What else did I learn about Justin? Well, he's super-polite. He likes working for Apple. His little sister is always trying to encroach upon his employee discount. He called me "Ma'am," and laughed at all my jokes. He asked me a lot of questions about Canada's relationship with the French language. It seemed like "Do all Canadians speak French?" was a question that had been plaguing Justin for his entire life, and today, I answered it for him. While waiting for my computer to reboot after I did a bunch of weird tech support-y shit to it and had recently drank a ton of coffee on a relatively empty stomach, I explained every single detail of the role the French language plays in Canadian culture. No stone was left unturned. I also learned that Justin is working a double today, and as I write this sentence, will be getting off work in exactly nineteen minutes. Bonne nuit, Justin! The excellent customer service you provided was one of the highlights of my week. 

4. Yesterday I read my mom's Tarot cards (I killed it you guys!!!), and today I read my best friend's Tarot cards. It makes so much sense that I do this now. The picture accompanying this article ("article") was taken by my best friend at a Starbucks, earlier tonight. Before I read her Tarot cards in a Starbucks, we went out for dinner at Terroni, where I ate al dente spaghetti with mussels, shrimp, little octopus babies, and squid. Before we ate dinner at Terroni, we sat in the park and drank white wine out of an orange plastic mug and I told her that I want to be a millionaire. She's the King of Swords, and I'm the Queen of Cups. 

5. The scene in the episode of Mad Men called "Tomorrowland" when Peggy finds out Don and Megan are engaged and bursts into Joan's office and Joan asks "Whatever could be on your mind?" and is SO COOL TO ME. Then they talk about some other things, and Joan says "Well, I learned a long time ago not to get all my satisfaction from this job," and Peggy says, "That's bullshit!" and then they laugh together. "Women laughing together" is one of my favorite things in the world. 

LIZ'S THING OF THE WEEK: 300 Feminist Sand Witches

Someone posted a link on Facebook to an article with "300 Feminist Sandwiches" in the headline and I saw it like three different times and every time I misread it as "300 Feminist Sand Witches." I wish it had said "300 Feminist Sand Witches" - feminists who are not only witches, but witches who live at the beach. Beach witches! What a beautiful concept. But whatever, instead it's a Twitter thing that's a satire of the woman who's making 300 sandwiches so her boyfriend will marry her, and that's fine. There are so many different things to do on the Internet
         Yesterday I finished a really big project and felt great about it, a little worn out but in a satisfying, athletic sort of way, like how male rock critics are always saying The Who make very "athletic rock," which I never understood until writing this sentence. In the afternoon I had an appointment in Santa Monica with a doctor I love so much; I've been going to him since I moved to L.A. ten years ago and he's like if Larry David were a nice, chill, kinda goofy grandpa. Dr. Alfred told me how he'd been very sick ("It almost killed me, kiddo") but now he's on the mend and I'm sad he was sick but so happy he's okay now. After the hospital I walked around a while to wait out rush hour and ended up going down to Santa Monica Pier for the first time in years. My iPod shuffle kept playing Mary Timony, early Madonna, The Stooges, and John Lennon, and it was so windy and the water looked green. Some guy a little or a lot younger than me walked by and held out a rose and asked me for my number but I just took the rose and thanked him and kept walking, which I think was a smart move. I sat and watched the carousel a while and was stoked to see that instead of just all horses there's also a goat and a bunny you can ride on. I love the goat the most since I'm a Capricorn, who are goats that come from the ocean. Then I went to a fried-seafood place and had a plastic cup of wine and read Madness, Rack, and Honey by Mary Ruefle, which is a gorgeous book about poems. My table had a nice view of the roller coaster and I read the words "Painfully shy but with an extraordinary passion for the moors around her" right as "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper came on the jukebox. I liked that. It didn't feel ironic or anything, it just felt sweet and true. A cool day for beach witches.


I saw the documentary I am Divine on Wednesday. It was the New York premiere and it was at BAM. I bought tickets a week in advance, which I felt kind of crazy about since it's a movie. Usually when I buy tickets super early for something no one is there. If I chance it, it sells out. It was so totally sold out by Wednesday morning. I did the right thing! The film was fabulous. I loved it. Divine was/is a national treasure. Like Divine, the movie was hilarious, super fun, outrageous, heartwarming and sad. Divine's death shortly after he received mainstream success in Hairspray and was about to start filming Married with Children (!! I did not know this !!) is so deeply tragic. So unfair! Total bummer. I'm going to continue celebrating Divine this weekend by going to see Female Trouble at BAM on Saturday and listening to the song "I'm So Beautiful" on repeat while I hang up curtain rods on Sunday.

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