8 Rolling Stones Songs That Helped Me Spiritually Destroy the Gross Dude Who Was Mean to Me in a Bar Saturday Night

So on Saturday my friends and I were hanging out in the lounge of a weird old French restaurant in my neighborhood, drinking whiskey and sparkling pink wine, sitting on the black-leather couches and having a time. A bunch of us left a little after midnight and were walking down Sunset when we realized we'd forgotten one of my housemates, who was still in the lounge, sitting at a big table and talking with friends of a friend. I went back to the restaurant to tell my housemate we were leaving, and some cool British girl greeted me when I got to their table.

"Look at you, with your hearts and flowers!" she said. "You're like a little love fairy!" I was wearing this dress and the below necklace (made by Danielle Petrosa), which is where the hearts and the flowers came from. I thought that was a nice thing to say, and I did a cutesy thing of pretending to sprinkle love-fairy dust on everyone at the table. 

So I was being silly and everyone was amused, except this one guy, who reminded me of the guy on Girls who also played the dude in Tiny Furniture who squatted in Aura's mom's apartment for like a week and was just the draggiest drag ever. The guy made a joke, a really stupid joke, kind of at my expense but mostly just generically crude and repulsive. I'm not repeating it here because if I'm ever going to type crude/repulsive sentences onto Strawberry Fields Whatever, it's going to be something really fantastically scummy and filthy, and not some boring vulgar bullshit that oozed from the mouth of a dude who quite obviously hates himself.

Anyway -- it was embarrassing. I wish I'd said, "That was weirdly hostile and unintelligent, what's your glitch?", but I was sort of stunned and all I did was go "Whoa, okay, eww," then told everyone else goodnight and left the restaurant and caught up with my friends. 

I still want to punch that dude in the face but I'm mostly over it, which partly has to do with having spent some time yesterday afternoon walking down the street and listening to the Rolling Stones and using their songs for gross-dude recovery. Some highlights: 

"Bitch." Cuz that guy was a bitch. A bitch who needs to "Get Off Of My Cloud," more specifically. All unimaginatively nasty and self-hating dudes need to get off of my cloud forever and ever.

"She Smiled Sweetly." I'm a bitch too, sometimes, but I'm good at smiling sweetly. It goes a long way.

"Brown Sugar." I didn't listen to "Brown Sugar" but I did go to the new pizza place and got myself a brown sugar cookie, which the nice man at the counter warmed up for me in the pizza oven. I ate the cookie and listened to "Monkey Man" and thought about that beautiful picture Jen made for our first post, and then some screwball sex-harassed me on his bike and I flashed him the peace sign and ran away and up the hill.

"I'm Free." I actually don't consider myself free to do what I want any old time, but I do do what I want some of the time, and I really like the idea of always being free to get what you want. I also like the "Love me" lyric so much. Cuz I'm a love fairy.

"Stray Cat Blues." You know who's free? Jessa from Girls (or...she was, anyway? I don't wanna talk about last night's episode right now; I'm confused by it). I thought about Jessa a lot yesterday afternoon; I think she's a cool character and Jemima Kirke is a chill and radiant presence. I tweeted "your weirdly intense desire to see Jessa from 'Girls' fail may be symptomatic of a larger spiritual issue," in response to Internet riffraff and scattered bar conversation, and tried to figure out which song Jessa would be if Jessa were a Rolling Stones song. If I were a dude, I'd think she was "Stray Cat Blues." But I'm not a dude, so I don't think that. I don't know what I think. Which Rolling Stones song is Jessa? Tell me, if you know.

"She's a Rainbow." Jessa is absolutely not "She's a Rainbow." But Paul McCartney sure is! Happy birthday, Paul. Thank you for helping me become the love fairy I was always meant to be. I love you too. xoxo Liz

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